apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
