she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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