i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
