Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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