He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
