What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
