She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A bitchslap is in order.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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