Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
