too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
