once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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