I could have mohawked her pubes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
