im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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