Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize