Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
