there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
