i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
