Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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