how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone shattered a urinal.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
