im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
