he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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