i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
