I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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