Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
