so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
