It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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