i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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