My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
