Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize