I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
