omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
