Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
