I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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