just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
