i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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