While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
