Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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