So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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