were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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