I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
