you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
