I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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