if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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