My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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