I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
