were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
