He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
