ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found the puke drawer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
