I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
