It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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