just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
