I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
