We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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