Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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