I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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