I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
