I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize