I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
