I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
