the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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