The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
