i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's never too late to be topless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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