it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize