Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
