Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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