so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
