i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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